There won’t be any streamers, balloons or noisemakers.
The table will be bare and sadly, no cake or ice cream will be served.
The punch bowl will remain dry.
Traffic on the street will flow at it’s normal pace, void of any parked cars blocking the way.
The neighborhood police officer will NOT need to stop by and quiet down “all that noise,” thankfully, and save me embarrassment.
No one will jump out and yell, “Surprise!” Even though, it will be one.
And, I saved on postage, because the only one invited is… me!
Not your kind of party?
Would be a pretty hard sell to get friends to show up and stay long if that’s how I promoted it.
So why did I stay so long yesterday?
It was the kind that sneaks up on you when you least expect it; the kind that you get invited to, but don’t usually tell your friends about.
Welcome to my, “PITY PARTY.”
It actually started the evening before with some sort of well-meaning question by my husband like, “What are you doing with your day tomorrow?”
As if I didn’t have anything planned! Hmpphh!
(What WAS I going to do tomorrow, I thought to myself…)
(sssshhh… that’s why we are inside the parentheses… ssshhh, my husband can’t see me in here…. Ha!)
So I went to bed with a teensy bit of an unsettled heart attitude.
And that led to much tossing and turning.
Good morning, Miss Headache! Thank you, very much!
Of course, I had to Tweet about it. (That’s my newly learned technology… trying it out… not sure I like it yet… sssh still he can’t hear me! He doesn’t know I Tweet)
So, I went about my routine, as usual. I went to the gym. Ugh. Not a good workout. And THAT, for the “endorphine-addicted” like me is NOT a good start to my day.
So while I’m at the gym, I text my daughter to see if she’s gotten up for school. No reply.
Text again. No reply.
Well, if I don’t go home and get her up in time, I will hear about it all morning long.
After all, it is my job (not the alarm’s) to wake all beings under the age of 20 years old under my roof so that they can get where they need to be on time.
End my lame workout early. I will whine about this later! (Even though it was lame and I was in a bad mood, it’s clearly not my fault!)
When I arrive home, all darkness is present inside the domicile.
But then, out of nowhere, the daughter appears, dressed and brushing her hair. She IS up, but didn’t answer my text. So… I didn’t have to leave the gym early. Whatever!
And so the day progresses.
I cannot, no matter what I do, seem to get over this funk.
I try to sit at my desk and write. Nothing creative.
I seek something to study for inspiration from God. My mind is clearly not open to listen.
I look for productive work… Um. I really do not want to pay bills. Yuk. That will not lift me out of the pitiful mood I’m in.
How did I get this way today? I am usually such a positive person. Did I forget to take some vitamin or medicine?
I would hotfoot it to Walgreens if I felt that a Flinstone chewable could fix this!
Nope. This is deeper. I need to think this out.
I remember working ALL the time. I taught school and was so busy. There never seemed to be an end to the work or the amount of people who needed you.
I would have killed for a quiet, nothing-to-do-day like this.
There was always someone to talk to or an email to read or reply. Now, there are times when the postage stamp at the bottom of my screen doesn’t even have a red number on it… no new mail; not even junk mail.
And the sadness sinks in deeper.
I used to have people to eat lunch with most days. We would laugh out loud and tell stories. Most of the time at silly things that happened in the classroom or at home with our families. But, at least I laughed every day.
And on days when I felt like this, or saw someone who I thought did, I was on “hug patrol.”
I was the teacher who went around and hugged the other teachers on my hall. I was kind of “known” for that. Sometimes they would come and ask for one when they needed it.
There are halls in this house. But most days, it’s empty and my “hug patrol” badge has gotten misplaced.
And then there’s those 135, or so students that I taught each year. Sometimes, they could really be a lot to handle… honestly, it was just “some” times.
Gosh, I miss them; probably the most. They made me feel important and very special.
So! How to end the party?
When you need to get yourself off your mind, do something for someone else!
My husband was working the late shift, but my daughter would be home for dinner. I’ll make a nice dinner for just the two of us. I usually don’t go to all that trouble when it’s just two of us, but I needed to focus on someone else.
And… I’ll make cookies. I don’t know for whom… but I love to bake. Get off your duff and get to work, little missy!
“You are Pity Partied Out!”
Pinterest. That’s a fun way to generate a new get-to-work recipe.
1. Sesame Chicken for dinner.
2. Amish Sugar Cookies to bake.
But even as I gather the ingredients, I find a few tears welling up.
“No one even knows I’m doing this. No one would care if I didn’t.”
Voices inside my head stir doubt in my heart.
I have heard enough!
It’s time to get serious. I begin to read the “Quotables” that I made for myself.
I wrote some scriptures in a personalized form so that I could read them outloud. Then not only would I see them, read them, think them; I would speak them, hear them and they could sink into my heart.
· A hope and a calling on my life.
· A rich and glorious inheritance in Him.
· Not lose heart and grow weary in doing right.
· Reap a harvest of blessing if I don’t give up!
· A God of compassion who will comfort me in trouble.
· The rescuer of my soul.
2 Corinthians 1:4
· Hear my voice when I call.
· Bend down to listen and is merciful.
· Fix my thoughts on God.
· Be guarded in His perfect peace.
I begin to breath a little deeper. My heart rate slows. I can think calmly.
I say them again aloud to myself as I continue to work in the kitchen.
Even though I am alone in the house, I speak these truths to myself. I need to hear them. I need to renew my mind and my heart attitude.
It’s not magic and it doesn’t put me in a crazy trance. But there is something powerful about the Word of God that brings peace to my soul. I breath it in and it fills my every space. I exhale and it has soothed me.
I am still the same me; alone and finding something to do to get my mind off of myself. But now it doesn’t feel so bad and the pity has transformed into power.
I have the power to renew my mind by focusing on the positive words that God has for me. He is the truth that I choose to believe.
I awoke refreshed and ready to face a new day!
Not every day ends happy. And it has taken me, sometimes strings of bad days, to realize that only I have the power to change my attitude.
Living a great life is not about focusing on my daily circumstances.
Living is when I let go of the circumstances that I never had control over anyway.