I had heard others brag and boast of how, in years past, this month of blogging had stretched them and grown them as writers. How they became inspired even on the bleakest of days. How their best posts came as they sat at the bottom of their dry well of ideas, listening to the haunting whispers that they had nothing left to write… when all of the sudden… from out of nowhere inspiration sprang and their fingers flew across the keyboard in delight.
I had known of the 31 Days, annual October challenge, for a few years, but somehow always miss managed my time, or made excuses, failing to link up, year after year.
This time, I would not fail. I mean, how hard could it be?
That was just a few short months ago. I planned out my topic and decided to make it general enough for plenty of writing room, but specific enough to hold my interest. I didn’t want it to be too serious or to superficial. But I wanted to challenge some new idea and inspiration.
I decided upon FRUIT.
Ample in variety.
Easy to photograph… my new challenge.
Optional to video… bigger challenge!
Applications for Spiritual.
I was determined not to pre-write any posts, so as to really experience all this was to offer. I prayed for and constantly sought inspiration.
At first it was a thrill and joy.
But even after 5 days of putting forth “self,” feeling exposed, I sensed no one really cared, or read my blog. I remember even writing so in my post.
Daily pressing the “publish” button wore away a bit of glitter from the sparkly ideal I had envisioned.
And by day 8 and 9, I was wondering if I was in over my head.
The posts weren’t getting published as early in the morning.
It had become more of a “chore,” than a delight.
Writing used to be my joy.
I would paint a picture in the mind of the reader.
String a simple a sentence, or weave a wonderful whimsy.
But heart pounding… pondering in the produce?
Frantically foraging for fruit…
This is not how I wanted it to be.
This is not the writing I had intended.
I found myself sitting at the bottom of my dry well, waiting for the whispers.
And after day 20, all I could hear was the drip, drip, drip…
You’re 1 day behind.
You’re 2 days behind.
You’re 3 days behind.
Everyone else seemed to still be inspired and doing fine.
“You must not really be a writer, after all,” the whispered voice spoke.
And at day 20, I wrote my last post.
It wasn’t how I intended.
I truly thought there would be a 21.
And yes, I wrote of the tomato and other vegetables that are really fruits.
I even considered writing about nuts that are actually fruits.
To be honest, I just didn’t want to write about fruits I truly would not, or could not eat without enjoyment or sincerity. There were more fruits to choose. Just not ones I could honestly choose.
And so without my design, it ended… abruptly.
So why is it that I feel as though I failed?
Why do I condemn myself? Berate myself?
Why has this blog challenge caused my regular Blog to actually stutter and seize?
I could not seem to even go back and catch up after two days, or three.
I felt so “fake,” so dishonest.
I felt like a liar if I went back and filled in the blanks.
And I have left my 31 Days hanging there… unpublished… unfinished…
Like the frames that sit in my house with people I don’t know… because I haven’t put pictures of my own family members in them…
Does that mean I love my family less?
Does that mean I love the strangers more?
Of course not. I don’t even know them.
I simply admit that I’m imperfect.
Which, for me, is a HUGE admission.
It is something I have sought ALL my life… PERFECTION.
Have you ever said that out loud?
Maybe you’ve never had a problem admitting it.
I mean, I KNOW deep down that I’m not… it’s just that I want to be SO bad.
But I never really say it out loud.
“I AM IMPERFECT!”
But why would I ever need a Savior, like Jesus Christ, if I had it all together myself?
So instead of sitting in the silence of the dry well, believing the lie that I am nothing, I need to confess my imperfections and realize that I am not all the lies in my head.
Then I need to move on and get with my purpose.
I am not my thoughts.
I am not my failures.
I am not my incompleteness.
I am not my insecurities.
I am not my temptations.
I am not letting the enemy define me.
I am not consumed by negative thoughts.
I am an author.
I am a writer.
I am a child of God.
I am anointed.
I am following His promises.
I am forgiven.
I am pleasing to God.
I am confident in God.
I can do this because God said I can.
I am consumed by God.
I am purposed.
I am His and He is mine.
I can do nothing without Him.
I will do all things for His glory, not mine.
And I will purposely leave my 31 Days incomplete,
… as a reminder, that I am not perfect and I need Him to complete me!
If you are struggling with incompleteness, KNOW that it’s how God planned it.
He never wanted us to have everything all put together in a neat little package.
Then we would never have cause to call on Him.
As a matter of fact, in the Bible, Paul was asking God to take away a weakness he had. He asked God three times to take away this weakness, but God denied him. And then Paul wrote this:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
What an amazing attitude!
What an amazing God!
Most people in the world admire strength.
God admires weakness.
He likes my 31 Day Blog.
He knew that I wouldn’t be able to finish it… not without Him.
He prefers that I admit when I am imperfect.
He wants to show me, and others through me, that it’s His strength that fills in my gaps.
It’s His perfection that covers my failures.
Lord, Days 21 to 30 are left empty and imperfect… weak and incomplete… like me, in you honor.
I praise and worship You, and You alone, today.
Thank You, for being what I am not.
What about you?
Will you let Jesus be your strength today?
Will you let Him fill in your blank days?
He still does whisper in the well. We just have to be empty of ourselves to fully hear Him.